I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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