just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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