We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
