If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
