I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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