doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize