Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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