I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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