you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
