Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
