Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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