Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
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