I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
