This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
