I think my fart just growled at me.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
