my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
