Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Just cropdusted the office
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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