Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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