Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
