pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
