Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
