I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
