I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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