i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
