I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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