You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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