Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
