Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
