My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
