Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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