jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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