Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
