Its about making memories worth repressing
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
