just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I wear drunk well.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
