"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
