Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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