Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
