How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
