The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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