Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Randomize
