when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
the day after is always just damage control
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Randomize
