i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
