dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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