I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Randomize
