i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
