I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
