Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize