she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
