You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Randomize
