She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize