Your face is a jimmy john
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
