i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
