I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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