Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
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