like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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