if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
