You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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