I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
