the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
