I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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