is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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