I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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