New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Please don't give away my fajitas
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
