my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
