More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
